I Will Not Break
by Ashuri-san
Summary: Sakura's lost everyone important in her life and is left with nothing. She's closed her heart to the world. But then Syaoran comes along and tries to heal her pain. Will he be able to help her, or will she push him away like she's done with everyone else?
1. Intro

HI! This is my first fan ficcy, so I'm sorry if it sucks. I'll try my hardest! Please review it so I know SOMEONE is actually reading it, other than my friends of course… ok, so let me know what you think of it, and I'm sorry if it's kinda depressing.

I didn't want him to leave; I didn't want to see her fall so hard. I was only 8 when it happened. He left, he didn't love her anymore, and she broke down. I was only 8 and I had to support myself, actually I had to support both of us. Touya, my brother, left with my dad and I stayed behind. Raising yourself at 8 is hard, I had to be strong, I could never show my weak side. I especially couldn't show my mom that I was hurt from it, not after all those nights I heard her crying. It was like she was dying on the inside, and I didn't want to see her any worse than she already was. So, I was strong for her, but it was hard. She even blamed me for my dad and brother leaving. It was a tough time that I figured would only get tougher, but that's just how I think, that's just how I've become.

It was hard since nobody wanted to be friends with me, they thought I felt I was too good for them, but that wasn't it. You don't know how hard it is to trust people after what I went through, I thought my dad loved me and my mom, I thought Touya loved me, he was always so overprotective of me, but he's gone too. Maybe people just don't want to be around me, whenever there is someone I love they seem to leave. Even the girl that used to be my best friend, Kyoko, left and said she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. What's wrong with me, why do people keep leaving? But I went on with life anyway, I went on being lonely, I went on with that void in my heart. But something was going to change, something I didn't know about would change my life forever.

That's when it happened, that's when she came. There was a new student, she had just moved here with her family from another city. I wasn't really paying attention, the only thing I actually heard was that her name was Tomoyo Daidouji. I saw her in a magazine once, one of her parents is a CEO of some huge company, so I didn't bother saying hi. First of all she is probably rude and snobby, second of all she wouldn't want to be friends with someone who nobody else likes. All of a sudden I heard a noise beside me, I looked up and saw her taking the empty spot next to me. Why I wanted to know, why **me **of all people, why not the popular girl Chiharu?

I'm just staring at her with this look of surprise on my face when she spoke.

"Hi, I'm Tomoyo what's your name?" she said to me.

Silence

"Um, are you alright?" came her next words.

"Yeah, I think I am." I said as I smiled at her.

I decided I wanted a friend, if I was given a chance to make a friend then I would use it. Someone wanted to be friends with me, as unbelievable as it sounds. Me, the one nobody wanted, the one nobody cared about, the one nobody loved, I am the one that everybody left. So I am going to try, no matter how hard it is, I will wear my best smile and laugh as hard as I can, whether they are fake or not. I will try with all my heart and soul to have a friend, no matter what anyone tells me.

"My name's Sakura Kinimoto." I said with a huge smile.


	2. Sakura's Life

Ughh, this story just gets more and more depressing. I'm sorry if there isn't really anything happening in this chapter, it's mostly giving you Sakura's thoughts and feelings. I'm also sorry that I took so long to update, but I was writing and then I decided that the chapter I wrote shouldn't come until later on in the story. This chapter isn't that long since when I was writing one of the paragraphs, it just sounded like it should be the ending of this chapter.

THANK YOU to all of you who reviewed, it made me so happy people were ACTUALLY reading it! I'm sorry it was so short, I just wanted to give you a look at Sakura's life. I've been trying to decide what exactly should happen in this chapter, so I hope what I came up with is ok. If there are corrections or whatever feel free to let me know, since sometimes I'm tired when I'm proofreading my work.

**Please Review, I like to hear constructive criticism so I can make my writing the best it can be!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CCS, CLAMP does. The only thing I own is the plot of this story.

Chapter Two

Note: Here Tomoyo's parents are married and she has a little brother

Sometimes I just want to give up. To just lay in my bed and refuse to get up, to refuse to go on any longer. All the problems and difficulties that life throws at me, sometimes it's just too much for only one person to bear. But that's what life is isn't it? It's many problems and difficulties thrown at you to help you become a stronger person, to help shape you into a wise adult. Well, what makes me mad is those people that don't seem to have any difficulties. Those people who seem perfect and have nothing that goes wrong for them. But I have a friend like that, and no matter how much she means to me, I can never fully accept her. Sometimes I just want to scream at how perfect her life seems. Her parents are still married and her family is the role model family; a mom, dad, daughter, and son. Even though they sometimes playfully fight, they still totally and completely love one another. It's like they were created in a fairytale or something.

Tomoyo may be the only one who has actually accepted me, but I can't seem to get rid of that pang of jealousy I have towards her. Sometimes I just want to distance myself from her, I don't want to show her the dark side of my life, it's just something she wouldn't be able to understand. Someone with a life so perfect like hers can't possibly understand the pain I keep hidden. She doesn't have a separated family, she hasn't had to stand on her own ever since she was 8, she hasn't had to live in near poverty, she hasn't had to deal with ANY of the things that I had to. So, why does she want to get past that barrier I put up so badly, why does she want to understand me much? Why should she even care what has made me the way I am today? Why should I even bother telling her?

Sometimes we have discussions about this. We talk a lot, being the best friends that we are. She says she wants to understand me, and she wants me to be able to understand her. She wants me to make an effort at understanding her, and to put down the wall I created to keep the world out. But I can't tear down a wall I worked so hard to put up. If I take it down for even a couple minutes I might not be able to put it back up again, and even though Tomoyo wants me to keep it down, I can't. I can't let anymore sorrow come into my life, and I don't want anyone to be able to see the pain I had to endure. Nobody deserves to feel that pain.

When we are born into this world we don't have any cares, there is no happiness, but there is no sorrow. We are just blank slates, ready to be taught and to accept anything that comes our way. We have times when we are full of pure joy, and don't want the moment to end. But we also have times when we feel like we can't go on living and breathing. We all have those times, whether it's in the beginning of our lives our later on. But sometimes there are just so many hard times it makes a person close off their heart. Because if it's closed off then nothing can hurt them anymore, if they keep that wall up, then maybe there's just a tiny thread of hope. At least that's how it is for me. I don't want to be hurt by the world and I don't want to hurt anyone else. So, maybe if I just keep my heart closed up, nobody can be affected by the darkness that is there.

The world is fifty percent good and fifty percent bad. No humans are purely good, we all make mistakes. Even those people that seem to have been consumed completely by darkness have at least a tiny amount of good in them. But darkness can take over if you aren't careful. We all change, the world changes, nothing ever stays the same. At least that's how I see it, but I'm also a person who hates change, so that could be part of the reason I think that. People can't see why I hate change so much, they see change as a good thing. But, I don't show them the reason I hate change, because I know if I did they would just start an argument. Even though I'm good at arguments, and win most of the time, it's a waste of time since people are stubborn. People make a decision and usually stick to it no matter what other people say. Also, change is part of my past. Change is part of the darkness that is in my heart.

Do you want to know why I hate change? I hate change since it causes darkness. Like I said about being clean slates when we are born, we don't know darkness. It hasn't affected us, we haven't learned to lie or hurt others physically or with our actions and words. People change, they can go from being a person who you completely trust who would never do anything that wasn't right, to a person who has discovered everything wrong with the world. A person who sneaks out at night with their friends, who smokes and takes drugs, a person who does other things so bad you can't even talk about. Then this person learns to hurt others, and when you say something about their actions they deny it over and over. But maybe they realize what they're doing, maybe that's why they deny it repeatedly, maybe they are trying to tell themselves they aren't doing anything wrong. But after you put them in your past, into that file of memories you would just like to forget, they come back trying to cause hurt. Or when your father and brother just leave, not caring if they hurt you, those people that don't seem to have a conscience. Those are times that make me hate change.

Oh great, now I'm thinking about Touya and my dad. But I still can't believe they left. When they first left I was in a state of shock, I didn't notice sounds or people. I didn't talk, eat, sleep, or acknowledge others. People told me later on that I looked lost or something, and maybe that was it, but just in a different way then they thought. My thoughts had overcome me, I had simply become a shell. My life had been completely turned upside down and an emotion had overcome me, it was too strong of an emotion to even try to explain. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I thought they loved me, I thought they cared. My dad had always played with me when I was little, he would fly me like an airplane and swing me along. I know I would exasperate him sometimes, but don't all kids annoy their parents? But he started leaving more and more for supposed "business trips" yet my mom never suspected a thing. I didn't see him much, but when I did I was always really happy to see him, and I thought he felt the same. Touya may have teased me a lot, and was always really overprotective, but I still loved him. He was my brother, and no matter what happened he was always there for me. These people seemed to care, they seemed to love me, I don't know what happened.

Sometimes it hurts to see those other kids out with their dad or big brother. They go to ball games or to the batting cages. I'd love to go to a football game with my dad and cheer for our team, or out to the batting cages with Touya and have him show me how to swing the bat. I'd do anything to have them back again, while I hear other people complain. They complain that their dad is too strict or their older brother is too overprotective and mean, they think I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with anything like that. How can they be so ungrateful? How can they be so unloving? I'd do anything to just have them back for only a couple minutes, for my family to be back to normal again. But they changed, they changed like everything else in my life. So, sometimes I just go to a football game alone and wish that my life was different.

Sometimes I think it's just better to be lonely. If you're lonely then you don't have to put your trust in others. You won't be deceived or left for heartbreak. You don't have to put your trust in others only for you to have given it to the wrong person. You won't end up at the point of breaking like my mom. Because, even though I haven't said anything, I'm pretty sure she's thinking about it. I think that she's at the point where she wants to leave her pain and suffering, I think she wants to die. The other night I was looking in the cabinet for some vitamins and I saw it, a full bottle of eszopiclone. In other words, my mom has a full bottle of sleeping pills, and the prescription isn't to her. Maybe if she's gone my life will be better, I won't have to be reminded of how everything is my fault. I already know everything is my fault, but do I have to be reminded every single day? Tomoyo tells me not to believe my mom when she blames everything on me. Tomoyo said that it's normal for kids to put all blame on themselves, but that it's really an issue that was between my mom and dad. I still don't believe her, I think that my dad just couldn't stand me anymore.

I'll tell you what happened the day before my dad left the best I can, I don't remember it that well since I've tried to block it out of my mind. I had come home from school and I needed my math paper since I had left it in my dad's car when he took me to school. I looked around for him and finally found him, I asked him if it was still in the car or if he had brought it in. He told me that it was in his briefcase. He was in the middle of something, so I decided to get it for myself. I had to go through some papers before I finally found it. But there was a paper right underneath it that was pink. I had thought that was strange that my dad had a pink piece of paper. I started to read it, and found it was a love letter from another woman. I wasn't going to tell my mom since I didn't know if she would be able to take it if she found that dad was cheating on her, since she was so weak. I decided that I would confront him instead. I asked him how he could do it, how he could even think about betraying his family. He told me that everything has just become too much for him to bear, he wanted to leave, to get away from it. I told him to get lost and some other things that were definitely uncalled for. But I was mad, mad at him for neglecting his responsibilities. No matter how he looks at it, we, his family, are his responsibility. So, he left, he said that he couldn't stand being in that house with me for another minute. The next day he came back, I was so happy since I would be able to apologize. But things didn't work out that way, he came back to get his things and to give mom some divorce papers. That was the day I started hating change, the day I started hating everything, the day I started hating men. It was the day that my life as I knew it had ended.

Poll: Should I put Eriol into this story?

Let me know in a review, since I'm not sure if I should or not…


	3. Meet Syaoran

Chapter 3

**Hard things to put into the story: Ok, Sakura isn't 8 anymore; it's been a couple years since her parents got divorced. I'll say she's about 12 in 6th grade (At least that's how it would be here in America) Her mom is like really weak physically and emotionally, after Sakura's dad left she was told by a doctor not to get out of bed. They mostly live on spousal support and child support. Sakura has to work at a lot of babysitting jobs so they have little extra money for clothes and such.**

Yeah yeah, I know I've been a bad person and I haven't written in awhile. I don't want to be in school, I don't like homework. Homework is evil, it should be burned! Yeah...so, now I'm gonna start writing this chapter. I think the mom is gonna die. I don't really like her too much, she's so evil. I like think of the characters as if they are real, so in my mind I don't like Fujitaka or Nadishiko. I feel bad for Sakura; she has such an evil family. That would totally suck to be her. Well, enough of my babbling and on to the story! (Author has her arm up in the air like Superman)

By the way, I wrote part of this chapter then got bored of it and wrote all of the 4th chapter. I don't like this chapter, it's boring. You know when you're reading a book and it's really interesting, but then you come across this really boring and lame chapter. You just want to skip it, but you're afraid that it might have some important info in it. Yeah, well that's how I felt about this chapter. I didn't want to write it since it didn't have anything really interesting in it, but I have to write it since it has some important events in it. Sorry if it's kinda short.

Disclaimer: I don't think someone who acts like Superman, kills her characters just cause she doesn't like them, and has the strong urge to burn her homework would really own CCS. But us authors can dream! (Author imagines owning CCS, sigh)

Notes: I'm gonna call the teacher sensei, cause I don't feel like letting him have a name.

**AT SCHOOL**

"Hey Sakura, are you ok? You really don't look so good." Tomoyo had started looking concerned.

"Oh don't worry about me, I'm fine." Sakura replied.

"No seriously Sakura, you look really pale. Have you been eating much lately? You also look like you've lost some weight."

Tomoyo was really worried about her friend, she had seemed really depressed lately. She looked pale all the time, had been losing weight, falling asleep during all of her classes, and it had been progressing over the last couple weeks.

"Oh, maybe I've just caught the flu, I heard that it's been going around. I'm fine it's not like I'm depressed like that girl in the fan fiction we were reading." Sakura faked a laugh.

"Are you sure there isn't something going on? Maybe something with your mom, or maybe your dad? Oh my gosh! Did your dad come back, is he bothering you? Just tell me and I'll make sure you have a bodyguard with you." Tomoyo started rambling about bodyguards.

"TOMOYO, I'm _**fine**._ I really am, I'm being serious. So, just trust me. Ok?" Sakura put on an innocent but serious look.

_I hope she believes me, I really don't want to add a bodyguard to all of my problems. I know she just wants to be a good friend, but it's really none of her business. It's my thoughts, my feelings, and MY problems. Why can't she just leave me alone, she's like Touya used to be._

a look of sadness crosses Sakura's face

"Are you really sure you're ok?" Tomoyo started looking worried again.

"Yes, now will you please stop worrying about me?" Sakura pleaded.

"Ok, if you're sure then. But if I see you getting any worse I'm going to start worrying again" Tomoyo reluctantly agreed.

_I know I'm thinner than I used to be. But with my mom broken the way she is, we have to live on what dad pays us and what I earn on my own. With all the bills we have there's barely enough for the things that we need like food and clothes._

They both sat down at their desks since class was about to start.

"Class, please quiet down. I have an announcement to make." The classroom became so silent you could hear a pin drop.

Everyone wanted to know what the announcement was going to be. There had been a rumor going around that a new student was going to show up. But everyone dismissed it as what they thought it was, a rumor. But, now that the sensei was going to make an announcement they were all sure it was going to be a new student.

"Arigatou (thank you), well the announcement is that there is a new student. His name is Syaoran and he is from Hong Kong."

_Great a new student, and boy at that. Great just something more to deal with, a stupid ignorant guy. Uncaring, selfish, and pig-headed. That's what ALL men are. I bet that he's gonna be one of the popular crowd. Just what we need, another self-centered person in this class._

"Hi, my name is Syaoran as you heard. I moved here from Hong Kong because of my family's business. There isn't anything else to say."

All the girls had their mouths wide open and were drooling. Syaoran didn't even notice this, but he saw Sakura who didn't even seem to be paying attention. She was in the very back of the classroom with a book. She had short honey colored hair and beautiful emerald green eyes. But when you looked in her eyes, you couldn't see any emotion. Syaoran wondered what could have happened to a girl that she became that way. There was only one desk, which was right in front of Sakura. Syaoran started heading over to his desk and was wondering about this mysterious girl.

"Oh my GOSH, the new guy is looking right at US! He's so cute, I love his messy auburn hair! SAKURA are you paying attention?" Tomoyo was whispering furiously to Sakura who was tuning her out.

"Huh, yeah sure. WAIT, did you say he was CUTE? That is just disgusting Tomoyo, you know how I feel about guys." Sakura made a face.

Syaoran sat down at his desk, got out a pencil, and put his backpack under his desk. He then turned around to face Sakura and Tomoyo.

"Hey, my name's Syaoran as you probably heard. What are your names?" Tomoyo giggled while Sakura sighed.

"Hi, I'm Tomoyo and this is Sakura. So, what is Hong Kong like?" Tomoyo asked.

Sensei cleared his throat and everyone looked at a blushing Syaoran, a Sakura who still wasn't paying attention, and a very embarrassed Tomoyo.

"All of you, detention after school!" The three of them groaned.

_Great now I'm going to have to spend detention with that irritating guy. Just what I really wanted to do. Ughhhh, guys just make me so MAD!_

_**Detention**_

Sensei walks in

"Since you three can't be quiet during class, you'll have to be quiet after class." he lectured.

Classroom intercom Will Sensei of classroom 301 please come to the main office?

"Ok, I'm going to have to leave you alone for a little while. But if I come back and you're talking you're going to end up dealing with the principal." Sensei said before he left.

"Sakura! Oh my gosh, I can't believe we got detention. This is sooooo boring! Good thing that Sensei got called away." Tomoyo said as soon as she was sure that Sensei was gone.

"Hmmmppphhh," was Sakura's only response.

"I know you're mad that you got put in detention with Li-san, but it's really not that bad." Tomoyo replied.

**Sakura just gave Syaoran a death glare, which had been perfectly mastered for all guys.**

_**After Detention**_

"Hey Sakura, I can't walk home with you today. Ok? Cheerleading tryouts are in 15 minutes so I got to go! See you tomorrow!" She ran off towards the gym.

_I didn't think Tomoyo was the type of girl to try out for cheerleading._

As I walk home I see a couple sitting on a park bench under a cherry blossom tree. I recognize the guy, he's sort of a friend. Even though I hate guys, I can't bring myself to hate him. He was my friend before the divorce, and he helped me through that time during the divorce. We are only friends who say hi to each other once in awhile now. I guess our friendship kinda grew apart. He's with this girl who must be his girlfriend. He has his arm around her protectively, staring into her eyes like she's the only one in the world. Which is probably true, she's the only one in the world to him at least. So, I find myself thinking.

_You know what hurts? When you see him, that guy who's extremely sweet, and that girl who's his girlfriend. You see them, sitting there together. Him with his arm around her, giving off a caring/protective/loving look. Playing with her hair and gazing at her like there's nobody else in world. You don't really like him in _**_that _**_way, but it still hurts. It hurts because you wish you were the one sitting with a guy that loved you more than anything else. A guy that takes weeks just so he can buy you the perfect present. A guy that can't stop talking about you. A guy that looks at you with such love in his eyes. Yet, you wonder how that guy you know can love someone so much being so young. But when you see him around her, you stop asking yourself questions. It's just that look he has, it makes all questions you have invalid._

_The pain...the pain of knowing that there is nobody that loves you. The pain of knowing that there would be nobody to mourn over your death if you were to die. The pain of knowing that the thing you desire the most, is what life forbids you to have. That's true pain. (AN: What she wants the most is for someone to love her. She wants her family back to love her the most, but she truly just wants there to be someone who cares about her.)_

* * *

_**Sakura's House**_

When I got home I threw my backpack on the couch. I didn't really want to start my homework at the moment. So I walked aimlessly through the house until I stopped. You know what I stopped in front of? A shelf, yup that's right, a shelf. This shelf holds pain, memories, part of my darkness. Do you want to know how a shelf can hold so much? It's because it holds part of my past. It holds photos of that happy time long ago. It holds mementoes that our family once held special. But we aren't a family anymore, these things hold my past. This shelf holds what my life once was, a reminder for the wrong that I committed, it holds my pain. I want to keep my pain, it's punishment for what I caused.

I look through the stuff on that shelf. The pictures with the happy people, a family, all smiling together.

_Old photos bring back old memories, old pains. They let you remember wounds that didn't heal, fears and thoughts that didn't leave. Past mementoes bring back past thoughts. They bring back things that you didn't want to remember. But I keep them, because they remind me of my wrong._

_Some thoughts are fond, but they still make you think of that happy time now gone. People say not to dwell in the past, but how can you do that when the past was the only happy time in your life. The past, when you knew who you were, and you knew that you wanted in life. What if the past is the place you would most like to be?_

_I'm so tired of being here. Why can't we go back? why can't we return to the past? To the way things were, the way life was?_

I also see pictures of myself and of a once best friend. Someone I used to trust before she betrayed me. I see these memories vividly playing in my head. But the hardest part of all? The good memories, those memories that make you feel warm inside, they're getting fuzzy. Those times we shared, that special bond we had, now all just a distant memory. Those moments with my friends, those times with my family. They're fading, and soon they'll be gone.

These thoughts make my stomach become queasy as a tear slides down my cheek. It glistens in the light, until I wipe it away. My happiness, it's now something of the past.

* * *

Yeah, yeah, I know you all think I suck since I always have such short chapters. But the first one I was just seeing how people liked it and wastrying to decide what should happen next. The second chapter I thought was longer but it seemed shorter when I posted it. This chapter is short since it's like a connecting chapter for chapter 3 to 4. I don't like it since it's so boring so I made it short. But not to worry since chapter 4 will be up shortly. I'm almost done with it, I'm just going to write some more to make it longer. 

PLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEEEEE REVIEW!There are185 hits on it, and yet I only get 21 reviews! It's so SAAAAAAAAAD! Well, if you aren't going to be nice and leave a review then maybe I shouldn't be nice and post chapter 4! HA! (a hyper author)


	4. The Death

Well, sorry if this chapter stinks but I wasn't really in the mood for writing. I don't know exactly how I get in the mood but all of a sudden the words just start flowing into my head. So, I sit in front of the computer and type them all out. Then the bits and pieces that I write I fit together creating one of my chapters. But lately I haven't really been in the mood... So this chapter lightens up a bit. At least when I read it I thought it wasn't as depressing. But my friends have all been bugging me to update. They are all like, "You're taking FOREVERRRR!" so I'm like "FINE, I WILL!" and that's what happens. Not like you really care in the first place, but whatever. If I'm being lazy and taking forever, I don't mind if you send an e-mail or message my way telling me to write more. I get lazy a lot of the time...hehe! Well, I was going to ask if there was anyone who wanted to be like an editor person or whatever you call them. Someone who would go over my grammar and spelling for whatever the spell check and I missed. Also someone I can e-mail pieces of new chapters and see what they think of them. Sometimes I need constructive criticism, and when I ask my friends they always just praise my work. Which isn't always that helpful, when you want constructive criticism. So, if there is anyone who is willing to take on the job let me know please.

By the way, in the upcoming chapters there will be some issues with Sakura and popularity. I'm sorry if you're popular and you don't like what I've written. But if you are upset with this, you don't have to keep reading. I'm also sorry to Tomoyo fans, but she's going to turn kinda rude since she becomes popular. I like Tomoyo myself, she's such a sweet character. But I felt that I needed her to change for the story to continue. If you want to know why I put in issues with the popular crowd feel free to ask me. I'll let you know by PM or e-mail.

**Disclaimer: "Cardcaptor Sakura isn't my story, or is it?" she asks evilly. "No, it isn't," a random passerby replies. "FINE, be that way! You can't even let me have my dreams can you?" she cries to nobody in particular.**

* * *

Well, she finally made a decision. She made a decision and committed her life to that decision. That decision she made, it was on her life, because she finally decided to end her suffering in this world. Her being my mother, her being the one who broke, becoming too weak physically and mentally to live. Her being the new one to abandon me.

"Sakura, you know you can cry. I won't hold it against you or anything you know." Tomoyo said to her friend.

"I won't cry about something as trivial as the death of someone. I won't make myself susceptible to something as low and weak as that." Sakura stated in a monotone voice.

"Sakura, crying over the death of someone important to you isn't weak. Actually, it's normal to do. I know there's something wrong. You're not usually someone who uses big words. Even though you may deny it, what you said isn't something you would normally say."

Sakura got mad at this remark; she didn't like it when people could see through her. She liked keeping up her stone-faced appearance. She didn't want to be hurt again. She felt that she had been weakening up if this...death actually hurt. It may have only hurt a little, but there was still some pain from it.

"Just leave me alone Tomoyo, I don't feel like dealing with your endless analyzing of me at the moment. Also, you don't have to remind me that I'm not normal. I already know that, you don't need to point it out!" Tomoyo walked away with a hurt look on her face.

_Great now I made matters even worse. The only friend I had probably hates me now, gosh I seem to make a mess out of everything! Why can't I ever seem to do ANYTHING right? No wonder my mom didn't want to stay with me, I'm hopeless._

**Flashback**

Sakura, I know that you probably hate me, and I don't blame you after the way I've treated you. But now that I'm about to die I realized what I did had been wrong. I'll be eternally sorry and I understand if you don't forgive me. I'm dying because I can't stand to live in this world any longer. I can't stand to be here with so much pain surrounding me." Her mother was whispering to her, taking what would be the last few breaths that she would take.

Yeah right she's sorry. She was never sorry before, and she doesn't look sorry now. She probably just doesn't want me to hate her since she doesn't want to be judged for it after she dies. But her true hate for me is still in her heart and she knows it. She just wants to escape from everything, she's so weak. She can't even survive in the world; she can't even stand to live, even though others have gone through worse. She's WEAK.

"This is a letter that I wrote right around the time that your dad left me. I want you to have it now that I'm dying. I didn't give it to you before, but this seems like the right time to give it to you." Her mother handed her an envelope.

"I'm afraid that I don't have much longer, but please respect my letter. Respect it as my dying wishes, even if you hate me. Please do this for your mother here on her deathbed."

I just nodded not knowing what else to do. I mean even I wasn't heartless enough to not respect someone's dying wishes. So, I accepted the letter even though I didn't really want to.

Then as fast as she gave me the letter she was gone from this world. She went to another place that only us who are on Earth can dream about. That place that nobody is truly sure about.

**End of Flashback**

At this time I don't remember exactly what that letter had said. I was in too much shock to remember that sort of thing. Anger at my mother had caused me to burn it, so I can't exactly read it again.

I remember what she wanted me to do though. I remember what her death wish was, even now. I don't know why, but I promised myself I would honor it. I may not acknowledge it to others, and sometimes even myself. But deep in my heart it will be there, in the back of my mind it will remain. But for others, at this time they won't know. This isn't the time to reveal that secret in my life yet. For now I will just carry it with me, I'll just keep it as something only I know. I'll keep it deep down in my heart like all the other secrets in my life.

* * *

**At School a few days later**

"SAKURA, SAKURAAAAAAAAA!" Tomoyo was running as fast as she could towards me, screaming my name.

_I guess she's not mad at me. I thought she would hate me after what I said to her. Maybe she's just going to act like nothing ever happened. Well, in that case I guess I'll go along with it too. I mean I do feel kinda bad about what I said to her..._

_**Sakura Sweatdrops**_ "Tomoyo, you don't have to run screaming my name. I saw you, especially with you running down the hall screaming like that. Well, what is it that you wanted to say so badly?"

"Uhhhhhhh, wait a minute. With all that running and screaming I forgot. Hmmmm..." _**Sakura falls over anime style**_

"Oh, YEAH! Now, I remember! I was coming to tell you about this huge football game we have, if our school can defeat the other team then our team goes to the nationals." Sakura rolled her eyes at this.

"You mean they have NATIONALS for elementary school football teams? Ok, that's just plain scary." Sakura replied to Tomoyo's announcement.

"Well, even so. Will you PLEASE come with me? PLLLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE? I want you to come since our cheer squad came up with some really special cheers, and this really cool dance that we're going to perform. I would love for you to be there and see me, it would help if I knew you were in the audience." Tomoyo added in her puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, fine I'll come. But you better not make a big deal out ofthis." Sakura sighed.

**Little did Sakura know that this was all part of Tomoyo's plan for her to come and watch Syaoran, as he was part of the football team. Star of the football team to be exact. Tomoyo started to laugh evilly, "Ohhohohohohohoho!"**

* * *

**At the football game, Sakura is in the bleachers**

I see her cheering the football players down there, and I wish I were her. I want to be her, to fit in with all the rest of them. To be accepted by them. I don't know why, cause I never seemed to care before. Ok, maybe I actually cared before. But, do I have to admit that to them? Do I have to admit that I want to fit in? That I don't really want to be the one who stands out? No matter if I spend time trying to stand out, I'll always want to fit in deep down.

I was once one of them; it felt good to see others looking at you wishing that they could be in your shoes. It feels good to fit in, to have everything in your life going right. But that was before the divorce, and this is now. I used to be at the top of everything, I used to be a leader. I used to be strong on the inside, not just a fake layer. Since that's really what I am, a fake layer. I pretend to be strong when I'm truly far from it. That's now what I've become.

_The dance squad finished one of their cheers. Everyone is applauding; I even stand up and yell, "Go TOMOYO!", even though it's so unlike me. Yet, who am I even to say it's unlike me. How can I even say that if I don't even know who I truly am? I don't know what's in my heart, and I don't know what my true personality is. How you ask? How can I not know myself? Easy, it's hard to keep track of who you truly are when you lie so much, pretending to be something you're not._

I look at the other popular girls, who are only here to see the guys. I want to be part of their group; I want to be one of them. But don't we all, and yet there are only so many of them. Not everyone can be popular and the rest of us know it. I was part of that group once. But I was different than them, I was popular for a different reason. I was popular because people liked me for who I was. But back then, I was a different person. I didn't want to be one of them, I was just happy to be myself. Back then I had an identity, I knew who I was. I was certain about everything in my life and my heart. I had a pure heart, full of hope and joy. I had a pure heart, which had barely a thread of darkness in it. The total opposite of now, but that's because everything changed. That's just how life is. So, now when I scoot closer to them, they just look at me in disgust. Like I'm not even good enough to sit near them.

Why do they have to look at you like that? Like you are just a piece of trash on the floor, like you are nothing. Why do they have to act like they are so much better than everyone else? Why do they have to be that way, why do they have to care so much about how they look and other non-important things like that? Why? Why does my best friend have to be one of those people? Just because she's rich and pretty, they all flock around her. Yet, they glare at me since now I'm poor and I don't care about my appearance. Why should that matter, why should little things like that be so important? Yet, I probably don't have such a great personality either. I don't have much to offer others; maybe that's why I don't really have anyone left. Mom's gone, dad and Touya left, and so did all my friends. There's nobody left in this world who actually wants to be around me anymore. The only thing I can do is not get C's in school, yet I can't even get straight A's. I'm just a worthless and not good for anything at all.

But I have to live, because you see, that's what my mom wanted. That was her dying wish for me, that was the secret I've been keeping. She wanted me to have everything she never had. She wanted me to live my life the way she never was able to. She wanted me to be the person that she wasn't. But I can't live up to that expectation, it's too high, it's too hard. The only thing that I can do is live, I can live and stay strong like she wasn't able to do. That would've been her dying wish, since her true dying wish was for me to be everything she wasn't. That is the one thing that I can definitely do. I can stay strong and not let a man ruin me and I **will **live.

So, even when I feel like laying down and never getting up again, I don't give in. I get up with a fake smile every day and live my life. Even when my life gets worse and worse I don't give in. Even when I feel like breaking down, just like she did, I don't. I won't give into that temptation.

* * *

**A chapter within a chapter. Tomoyo's Takes Action on Her Evil Plan**

**The Football Game Just Ended**

"SAKURRRAAA, SAAAAKUUUURRAAAA!" Tomoyo shouted, spotting me in the bleachers.

"What?" I asked her.

"Well, I was going to ask you what you thought of our cheers and our dance. So, what did you think?" Tomoyo asked me excitedly.

"They were really cool, I liked them. They looked like they were really hard but fun to perform." I replied tonelessly.

"Oh my GOSH!" Tomoyo gasped.

"What!" I wondered what was causing her to act so strangely all of a sudden.

"Well, you know how I wanted you to come? Ok, before I tell you this...please don't kill me!" Tomoyo had her puppy dog look on again.

"Yeah, I remember you pleading with me before using those exact same puppy dog eyes. Why would I have a reason for me to kill you? WHAT did you DO TOMOYO!" I was very suspicious of what Tomoyo could have done that would make me so angry.

"Well...I kinda invited you here...to see...him." She pointed at Syaoran.

"You WHAT?" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

_Everyone started staring at me like I was a freak because of this great outburst. Everyone, but him. No, he just smiled when I screamed. Smiled like there was some sort of joke playing inside of his head. It made me mad, him looking at me like that. So, I turned away from him so he couldn't look at me like that anymore. HA!_

After I turned by back to Syaoran he decided to walk up and say hi to Tomoyo and me. So, I jumped when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Tomoyo just smiled evilly when she saw that he had come up to greet us.

"What are YOU, doing here?" I asked him and gave him a glare.

He replied with that same smile on his face, "I'm one of the football players, so I think the question is what are YOU doing here?"

_Ergghhhh, he makes me so MAD! I don't know why, even when he's not doing anything he makes me mad! Probably since he's a stupid guy, ughhhh they're all so ANNOYING!_

"Well, I'M here because Tomoyo is a cheerleader and I came to watch her dance." I turned and started walking away.

Tomoyo and Syaoran just looked at each other after Sakura left. Tomoyo decided to take action once again, even though Sakura might hate her for it.

**Syaoran POV**

"I think you should go after her." Tomoyo turned around to Syaoran.

"Why, it doesn't seem like she wanted to be around me in the first place. Why should I go after her?" I asked.

"Well, you don't have to go. I mean I'm not going to force you. But think about it, if you were lost mentally and emotionally wouldn't you want someone to save you?" Tomoyo asked, giving me something to think about.

_What could she mean by that? Why does she seem to want Sakura and me to be around each other so much? Also, what's up with that riddle she gave me? At least I think it's a riddle...it sure sounded like one. Does she mean that Sakura is lost mentally and emotionally? If she does mean that, why do _**_I _**_have to be the one to save her? This still doesn't make any sense._

"Well, maybe I will go after her." I replied unsurely. Tomoyo was confusing me, I couldn't even remember what was right and left. She left my mind in a jumble.

"Syaoran, I'm sorry to say this, but I think it's too late for that now." I looked around.

_She was right, Sakura wasn't anywhere around us. I guess she had left, although I'm still not exactly sure why. I guess that gives me time to think this whole situation over. Like why do I have this strong pull to her. Why, when I've never had the want to be around anyone before do I suddenly want to see her all the time? It's like I'm connected to her in some way. Like the Earth pulls us together. It's really strange..._

"Oh yeah, you're right. Well, I guess I better be getting ready to go home. So, bye."

"Yeah, bye." Tomoyo replied sadly.

* * *

**Narrorator POV**

As Sakura walked through the park, cherry blossom petals floated in the air, falling from the many cherry blossom trees. The sun was setting, it was late, and all she could do was walk. Walk and think to herself. Think about her life and this new boy, Syaoran.

* * *

**Sakura POV**

All I could seem to think about was HIM. Why won't he just leave, and get out of my head? Fine, if he won't find his way out of my thoughts, then I'll just force him out. (AN: Sakura's sounding a little psychotic...) I'll think about something else, I'm not sure what but I need to distract myself.

I arrived at my house, took out my key, unlocked the door and went in. It seemed so silent, even though it was silent when my mom was here, it seemed even more so. If I spoke it seemed that the walls echoed, or maybe it's just my imagination.

You may be wondering why I'm here alone. Why I don't have a caregiver or guardian or whatever you want to call it. Well, technically my dad is my guardian now. But you think that I'd ACTUALLY live with that jerk?

I would be taken into adoption, but I still have family members left. Yet, those family members haven't even came to rescue me. They can't rescue me from the dark, from the loneliness, they can't even rescue me from myself. So they called my dad, the one person in the world that I hate the most. He took away my life, he took away our family, he took away my mom, and most importantly took away me. He took away the person I used to be, the innocence in my childlike self, he took away my pure heart. He replaced it with hurt, despair, loneliness, and regret. I think he knows this, that's why he's actually letting me do something that's illegal. They think I live with him, they all think that he just owns two houses. So, that's why I'm living alone in a big empty house. The only who is here is me. It's torture being alone, alone with only yourself and your thoughts. Your thoughts corrupt you, they take over your mind and soul. You can't escape, because those thoughts are part of you. So here I am, laying on my bed with my thoughts being the only voices I can hear. It's quiet when you live alone, the only thing you can hear is yourself. So, now I'm the one in charge of raising me. I have to raise myself, with no help, with no love. But that's ok, because my heart is too dark to love in the first place.

At that I cried. There isn't anyone here to hear me, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I'll let that wall down a little, just for a moment. It's too hard right now to _not _cry. So, I'll cry since there isn't anyone around for me to keep my fake face on. I'll let it out...just this once.

* * *

The day of her funeral was dark and brooding. The sky was dark and cloudy. It looked like it was going to rain, as if the clouds felt and understood my pain. I wore black, expressing how I felt. I felt sad and hurt, and it showed my heart. Full of darkness is what my heart is, and now I'm able to show it on the outside. I like feeling this way, like now I'm dark on the outside AND the inside. Maybe I should dress this way more often. I walked to the chapel; it was magnificent in size and beauty. But that doesn't matter, because the only thing it is, is a building.

I walked inside, with roses in my hand. I didn't tell anyone that she died from her own hand, from those horrid pills. I just said that it was her time to go and she went peacefully in her sleep. Nobody will know any different anyhow. I went to her casket and saw her laying there, sleeping eternally. I gave me chills while at the same time I wanted to cry. I quietly lay the roses in the casket.

"These are for you mom. Even though in my heart I don't think you truly deserve them, you were actually a good mother before he left. He meaning dad. Even though you weren't the greatest mom, I'll still miss you. Life will be even lonelier now that you're gone. I'm not sure how, but you made life seem a little less empty. But I don't think you felt the same about me or you wouldn't have killed yourself." and with those last words to my mother I went and sat down.

I sat through the ceremony which was incredibly boring. Maybe it's supposed to be so boring that you forget about how sad you are. But if it is, it didn't help me much. It just helped me to get lost in my own little world and remember my sorrow. She may have hated me towards the end, but she once loved me with all her heart. So, it still hurts to see her die.

As we walked outside I saw there was a large garden. It was so big it had pathways for you to follow. I walked through and looked at the flowers. I think it's supposed to be like some sort of park or something, I'm not sure. I was smelling these flowers, when I realized they were Nadeshiko flowers. I then saw a drop of water land on the path, and I realized I was crying. I didn't even notice, because I feel like I'm crying every day of my life. **(AN: For those of you who aren't big CCS fans and don't know who Nadeshiko is, she's Sakura's mom. Nadeshiko actually means "fringed pink" in English which is a type of flower, just like Sakura means "cherry blossoms")**

At that moment a boy who looked the same age as me walked around the corner and saw me. He looked at me curiously, probably wondering why I was here alone and also crying. I gave him a glare, but if you ever try glaring while crying it doesn't look very intimidating.

There was rustling around one of the bushes toward where the boy had come from.

"Hey, how come you walked ahead and didn't wait for me?" Tomoyo asked the boy.

"Tomoyo!" Sakura asked surprised.

_I never expected to see Tomoyo here. OH MY GOSH! I forgot, I must look a mess. I forgot that I've been crying. I can't believe it, I have the worst of luck. Bumping into Tomoyo looking like I do at the moment._

**Tomoyo just stared at Sakura, with a look of surprise on her face. That look wasn't just from bumping into her, it was from the fact that Sakura had actually been crying.**

_How come whenever I cry everyone looks at me funny? They stare at me with this look in their eyes. It's hard to explain, but it's almost like why is she crying? She's the strong one, she never shows emotion, if she's showing weakness then what's going to happen to all of us? Then they don't have any idea what to do around me, they just seem to try to stay away. They always have this nervous aura about them when it happens. It's not that I cry very much, I've trained myself not to. Ever since my dad left, I knew my mom thought if I cried I was weak, and she said I had to be everything she wasn't. Even when my grandpa died I didn't cry, everyone gave me this look like I didn't care about him at all. That's not it though, I loved him as if he was my own father, he was the only one I could really talk to. I was more in shock than anything else, but I still couldn't cry. People think I'm heartless, with a heart of ice, and while that may be true I still have emotions, I just don't let people see them. But sometimes when everything bad loads up on me I just break and start crying. That's when the looks start, I hate those looks._

Tomoyo, you mean you two know each other?" the boy asked curiously.

"Yeah, actually I do." she broke out of the trance and straightened herself.

_I wonder who that boy is? I also want to know why Tomoyo and him were out here in the garden, _**_alone_**

* * *

My Extra Short WeirdSpecial Story

(AN: Since I wasn't able to put this into the story too well I figured I'd put it as a extra story. So here it is!)

**School**

"Sakura, SAKURA!" Tomoyo shouted excitedly.

"What?" Sakura asked.

"Guess what?" Tomoyo asked.

"What?" she replied.

"NOOOOO, you have to GUESS!" Tomoyo whined.

"But I really don't know, so just tell me. Otherwise we'll end up being here all day!" Sakura complained.

"Ok, fine. I'll tell you. Well... (she paused for dramatic effect) I MADE THE CHEER SQUAD!" she shouted happily.

"Oh...great. That's so cool Tomoyo." she replied uneasily.

"Are you ok? All of a sudden you don't look so great." Tomoyo looked her friend over.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I gotta go though." she rushed home.

"Hmmmm, that was kind of strange..." Tomoyo stated to herself.

* * *

Ok, well the end of that chapter was my **attempt** at a cliffhanger. Even though as a reader I hate cliffhangers myself, I decided to put one in anyway. HA! Yeah... Well, since I got more reviews I decided to post this chapter. You people better review again, OR ELSE! If you want to see a chapter ever again then you better review! (Author's attempt at threatening people to review.) Ok, well I hope you liked it. But you shall be aware that the author is given lots of homework at school and has to work her butt off. So, writing will be done on weekends a lot of the time. But I do have a little bit written for the next chapter and I'll try to write whenever I get a chance and I'm not super lazy. Like I said before, sometimes you may need to let me know that I'm taking forever to post since I can be bad and lazy. 


	5. Consequences

**Hey yall. Sorry that this chapter kept getting updated but the site was having problems when I was trying to update it. So I ended taking the chapter off for awhile. I finally fixed it, so HERE IT IS!**

This chapter was a big pain to write. I mean I liked writing it, but I wrote this really good chapter. I had done 6 pages so far when the power went off! It came back on after about a minute, but I realized I hadn't saved any of it! I remembered I had copied it, but the computer lost that too! I am still really mad about that. It took me awhile to write that, revise, write and revise some more. It may not seem like it takes that long to write, but I like to read over my work and revise it a lot. Sorry, I just had to vent about that. I tried to make it as close as I could remember what had been written before, so hope you like it.

This chapter brightens up a bit, since it's mostly a Tomoyo chapter. In the beginning it's about Sakura, but then it becomes all about Tomoyo. I figured you guys needed a happier chapter, so here it is!

Oh, by the way. I decided to make everyone 13 and in 7th grade. They are still in elementary school though, it's one of those elementary schools that have 7th graders and the high school has 8th graders.

**Disclaimer: "HI EVERYBODY! I'm Clamp, and I own CCS! Which is why I'm selling CCS books to everyone!" ****  
****(FBI dude comes up) "Are you the one who has been reported selling CCS books illegally on the street and claiming that you're Clamp?" ****  
****"Umm, no sir!" Hides books behind her back. ****  
****FBI dude pulls books that she's hiding, "Then what are THESE!" ****  
****"Uh, your imagination?" ****  
****"You're going to jail!" ****  
****"Noooo! Please don't take me to jail!", sigh, "I hope they have computers in jail..." **

**THANK YOU TO MY EDITOR Shaaarona! My other editor Muffinizer couldn't edit the chapter because her computer broke.**

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**Broken Dreams ****  
**_By: Ashieyu_

What if hope was just a broken dream?  
What if there wasn't anything that you wanted to be?  
What if the only thing you had was yourself?  
What if you just wanted to die?  
What if you couldn't even bring yourself to cry?  
What if the whole world seemed against you?  
What if there wasn't anyone to save you?

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_**Recap from the last chapter: **_**_  
_**  
Tomoyo, you mean you two know each other?" the boy asked curiously. 

"Yeah, actually I do." She broke out of the trance and straightened herself.

I wonder who that boy is? I also want to know why Tomoyo and him were out here in the garden, **alone.**

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"I'm surprised you're out here Sakura," Tomoyo said to me.

"Yeah, well I didn't feel like facing any people at the moment," I tried to hide my red eyes from her.

**The boy who was with Tomoyo looked at me then nudged her. ****  
**  
"Oh, right. Sakura this is Eriol, Eriol this is Sakura," Tomoyo replied, still in a state of shock from seeing me here.

"Nice to meet you Sakura," he said.

I glared at him since he was the one who had found me and interrupted my thoughts.

"Well, enough with the introductions. We need to be going now Eriol. Bye Sakura!" She said in a hurried tone.

_It was almost like she was hiding something from me. But I hide everything from her, so I shouldn't blame her for having secrets. That would just be hypocrisy, and even with all things that I do and think that are wrong...I don't want to be a hypocrite. That's the worst kind of lowness._

"Bye," I whispered. It was said mostly to myself as I watched Tomoyo hurry away from my watching eyes, pulling the boy along with her.

_Eriol, she said his name was. What a strange name, yet he was strange himself, so I guess it fits him. The strange thing was, Tomoyo seemed worried that I saw Eriol. The other thing is, I don't think I've seen him before. Maybe he goes to another school? Maybe he was just a friend, and they were just having a conversation...but maybe it was something more than just a conversation between friends? I scoffed at that thought, Tomoyo with a boyfriend that nobody knew about? Yeah right. The minute anyone popular has a boyfriend the whole school knows about it. __  
_  
I got up from where I was sitting and walked through the pathways just admiring the flowers. I didn't want to go and face all those people. Having them ask me all those questions like, "What was it like seeing your mother asleep and not being able to wake her up? Must've been absolutely **dreadful** my dear. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful mother." Yes, like I really want to go and listen to more of _that._

I just feel like being swallowed up by the ground, never to return. But, I'm sure _that_ is sure to happen. At the edge of the park grass being blown softly by the wind, I saw a cherry blossom tree. How I love those trees. When I was little I used to twirl around under them, with the wind blowing the blossoms off of the trees. All the petals would surround me like they were joining my dance, and the wind would blow through my hair. I would be covered with petals, but they seemed to suit me. Yet, I'm sure all little girls think they look pretty with petals in their hair. Those trees were always there for me. For me to climb on, give me shade, let me make crowns out of their blossoms. You might think it's corny for me to love those trees just because of my name, but that's not why I love them so much. If you just look at one, they have this majestic beauty about them, and they look so radiant under the sunlight. Yet, maybe this is all just part of a little girl's overactive imagination. So when I saw the tree, I knew it was the perfect place to just sit under and get hold of my thoughts.

I walked towards it remembering times from when I was a child. I sat under it remembering old times, times when I was actually loved. Tomoyo wants me to tell her why I've become this way. But I've said this before, I don't fully trust her. Now that she's become popular, I'm finding it even harder to trust her. I'm finding it harder to have her as a friend, because I thought she was different. She doesn't notice that anything is different between us, at least she hasn't mentioned anything. She had said that we could become closer friends if only I would tell her why I've become so lost in my life. But it ended up in a fight, because when she had said that to me, it set me off. I had started yelling about how she would never be able to understand me. I told her that she hasn't ever lost someone important to her, she's always had a perfect life. Even if I did tell her, she wouldn't understand. But I've decided that someday I will tell someone.

Someday I will find that person who I can tell. That person I can tell every secret that I hold in my being. That person that I trust enough to tell will know every thought, feeling, and secret that I know. But even though Tomoyo wants to be that person, she never will be. There will only be ONE person that I will ever tell, and that person will either be my best friend that I trust with all my heart and soul, or my husband if I ever do get married. Tomoyo is my friend, but I can tell from just knowing her that she's not that person. So, I'll wait, I'll wait until I meet this person and until I know that they are truly the one who should know. They need to be strong enough and love me enough to know; otherwise, I'm sure they'll just leave. I mean just look at what it did to me. So, for now nobody will know but **me.**

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**Tomoyo POV**

"Tomoyo, if you want to make yourself more popular, you've just got to stop hanging out with that dreadful girl. What's her name again? Oh yeah...Sakura." Katrina, the head of the popular girls drawled out with disgust in her voice.

"But...she's my friend," I replied timidly.

"Well, if you want to stay friends with us, you've got to ditch her." Katrina started applying more makeup. (AN: I can just imagine this girl with a face caked with makeup and putting on **more**. Lol.)

_What am I going to do? I want to stay friends with Sakura, and I really want to be able to help her. But, at the same time I want to stay popular._

"Ok," I replied quietly.

"Also, did you dump that gay guy, Eriol, like I told you to?" She asked with that voice of hers that sounded so superior.

"Well, I wasn't actually going out with him, he's just a friend. Anyway he's straight." I replied in a voice that was so quiet I could barely hear myself.

Katrina laughed at that, "Even if he **is** straight, he wouldn't get a girlfriend looking as gay as he does." 

"Well, even if you aren't going out with him, you have to ditch him as soon as possible. You wouldn't want anyone to see you with him. You wouldn't want to ruin your reputation, now would you?" Katrina said, raising one eyebrow at me.

"No, I wouldn't." I agreed quietly.

"Good. Now I better be going, my limo is probably waiting for me. Tata!" She giggled in a way that makes you just want to smack her, which she thinks is 'sexy'.

_God what is the world coming to?_

I started walking towards the park, the place where doom is waiting for me. I don't want to go, I'm regretting telling Katrina that I would ditch Eriol.

_Oh my god, what have I done? What have I done? I think I'm gonna start hyperventilating._

_**Breathe Tomoyo**__**Breathe. Just calm down!**_

_HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BREATHE WHEN I HAVE TO DITCH ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WHO I ALSO HAVE A CRUSH ON!_

**_Well, that's your own fault. You just HAD to become popular. I thought it was a bad idea, but did anyone pay attention to me? Nooooooo, nobody listens to me._**

_Whatever. You're just a dork, that's why nobody listens to you._

_**You're so childish.**_

_I am NOT childish! If I'm childish then YOU'RE childish. I mean we are the same person, both of us are Tomoyo._

_**Don't you dare insult me by saying I'm the same as you. I'm the smart one.**_

_Nuh-uh! I'm just as smart as YOU are, bleh to you! (AN: Sorry I always say that when I'm being weird. I'm always like, well bleh to you! Ya...not that you really needed to know that)_

_**See, you ARE childish.**_

_NO I'M NOT, YOU'RE JUST A STUPID MEANIE!_

_**Whatever, this argument is stupid anyway.**_

_Well, YOU'RE stupid! So there! HA, bet you can't beat that!_

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_ **Narrator POV**_

At that moment Tomoyo began screaming with frustration. Ironically Eriol had seen her and was about to greet her at the same moment, which she hadn't noticed being too occupied listening to the voices in her head.

After Tomoyo finished screaming she noticed Eriol in front of her looking pretty scared.

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_**Tomoyo POV**_

_Oh my gosh! What have I done? Now he probably thinks I'm a total nutjob! WAAHHHH! Can things get any worse?_

**_Yes, things can always get worse. Usually when you don't want anything else to go wrong, something does._**

_Also, when you ask, 'Can things get any worse?' , you end up jinxing yourself._

_Of course NOW you two agree. Stop making me feel worse than I already feel! This is your guys' fault in the first place._

_**Hey, don't put the blame on us.**_

_We weren't the ones that told Katrina we'd ditch Eriol in the first place._

"STOP IT! JUST SHUT UP! ERGGHHHH!" I screamed, not realizing I had said that out loud.

"Umm, maybe this is a bad time for you. We can always meet later," Eriol said, looking like he wanted to run away from the psycho.

"Oh, no don't worry I'm fine. I was just annoyed with the voi- never mind. Anyway, today is fine to meet up," I said, worried that Eriol had caught my slip-up about the annoying voices in my head.

"Ok...I mean if you're sure that you're alright," Eriol said, now just looking concerned.

"Yup. I'm fine." I replied. 

"OH! I just remembered, I brought along some snacks for us to have!" I said excitedly, momentarily forgetting what I had to do.

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**After they ate**

(AN: Tomoyo still hasn't remembered that she has to ditch Eriol)

"That was great Tomoyo. Did you make it yourself?" Eriol asked me.

"Thanks. Yeah, I made it myself. Cook gave me a cooking lesson, since I asked him." I replied, happy that Eriol liked my cooking. (AN: She's rich remember. She doesn't really act like a rich girl, but she still has a maid and cook like a lot of really rich people.)

"That's cool." He said.

**silence**

_Damn it! I forgot that Katrina said I had to ditch Eriol. God this is about as hard as pulling off my own arm._

"Um, I was thinking..." We both said at the same time.

"Oh, sorry! You can go first." I said.

"Ok. Well, we've known each other for awhile, right?" He asked. 

"Yeah. Ever since we met at the park," I replied. 

"Well, we've been friends for awhile like I've said. I was thinking...IlikeyoumorethanafriendTomoyosowouldyougooutwithme?" He said, looking very nervous while blushing madly.

"Uh, would you mind repeating that? You said it so fast that I couldn't understand you," After I said that, he became redder, which seemed physically impossible.

"We've been friends for awhile but I like you more than a friend, so would you go out with me? But if you don't feel the same way, then I understand." He said, looking as if he might die if I said no.

_What should I do? I never expected him to ask THAT! I told Katrina that I'd ditch him, yet I like him more than a friend, too. Why oh why does Katrina have to think he's gay?_

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**I must now interrupt this chapter for a short break ****  
**(AN: Sorry, but I felt I needed to put this in before I forgot.) 

**Informational Break: ****  
**  
_**School**_

"Hey Tomoyo! What's up girl?" Katrina and her posse came up to Tomoyo.

"Not much. Well...I did meet this really sweet guy at the park during the weekend." Tomoyo replied.

"Oh, what's his name and what school does he go to?" Katrina asked, suddenly interested.

What Tomoyo didn't know was that Katrina didn't really care that Tomoyo got along with this guy really well. The only reason Katrina asked was that if this guy was hot, she wanted him for herself. Nobody got a hot guy before Katrina got him, since no guy can resist her good looks. Well, at least that's how she sees it.

"Well, his name is Eriol, and he goes to Northcreek," Tomoyo replied excitedly.   
(AN: Sorry about the dumb name, couldn't come up with anything.) 

"Oh really. We've played a few games against them, and they're good." Katrina said, remembering that most guys from there were really hot.

"Do you think I could meet him sometime?" Katrina asked, knowing that Tomoyo wouldn't turn her down.

"I guess if you want to," Tomoyo said, not wanting to get Katrina mad.

"Good," Katrina replied, smiling her devious smile.

Which is how Katrina met Eriol and dubbed him 'gay'.

**Now back to the chapter!**

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_Forget Katrina, I like him and I'm not going to let her get in the way. This is MY life, not hers._

"Sure I'd go out with you," I smiled at him. 

"Great!" He said while looking greatly relieved. 

"So, would you like to go and do something tomorrow after school?" He asked.

"Sure," I smiled at him, again.

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_**Narrator POV** __  
_  
But while Tomoyo agreed to this arrangement, she had forgotten something. She had forgotten how she promised Sakura to help her with her math after school. The bad part was she wouldn't be able to help Sakura later on either, her family was going out to dinner for her aunt's birthday that night.

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_**Tomoyo POV **_**_  
_**  
_Ok, I said I'd go out with him. But how am I going to keep this from Katrina? Well, I guess she wouldn't find out if I didn't tell her... Yeah! That'll work! Way to go Tomoyo! __  
_  
"Well, I better be heading home. I have homework I need to work on. See you tomorrow!" Eriol said before heading home.

"Bye!" I replied, and started home too.

_Wow, I'm going out on a date with Eriol. WHAT WILL I WEAR! _

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_**Tomoyo's Mansion **_**_  
_**  
"Hey, I'm home!" I yelled as I walked into the house.

The maid, Shinoko, came up to me, "Would you like me to take your coat and backpack?"

"Sure, here ya go," I said, handing her my things.

"If my parents want to know where I am, I'll be in my room," I said starting towards the long winding stairs.

"Sure thing Miss Tomoyo," she replied.

I walked to my room and just crashed on my bed. 

"Ugghhh, today's been hard," I said to myself. 

_Wait! I just forgot...they said I had to stop hanging out with Sakura, too! What am I going to do? I can't just avoid telling Katrina like I'm doing about Eriol since she goes to the same school as me. What am I going to do? She's the first friend I made when I came, and I think I'm the first friend she's had in a long time. __  
_  
"God what a mess I've made of my life," I said to myself. 

"Sometimes, I just want to give up on everything. It doesn't seem like others have to go through anything like this," I said while sighing.

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So, how was it? I wrote this all in one day instead of writing a little bit every couple of days like I usually do. Also, it might be kinda weird because I was hyper from eating chocolate and being tired. Do you ever get all hyper and wacky late at night while eating sugar? I dunno, I know I do and my friend Audrey does. But maybe we're the only ones...

PLEASE REVIEW! Reviews make me happy and more inclined to write. If I'm inclined to write then you guys get a chapter faster. So everybody's happy! Which is why reviewing is GOOD to do! Don't you just want to review? (Please?)


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